I would never do that because I find it stupid. Will he be armed? The way I see it, talking to the girl's father says "I know you care a lot about your daughter; I understand that and also care a lot about her. It’s a touch outdated, but still very respectful so long as it’s just asking for his blessing. Looking to ask my girlfriend to marry me in the near future. Dad Rats Out Daughter’s Fiancée For Asking For A Dowry And She Cancels The Wedding. It’s showing them honor. Humor. A little help from our parents can help us get married to the right person, for the right reasons and have a merry and satisfying marriage. - r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories Try Like & Subscribe Button if it still works! ... Reddit Humor 164,212 views. Try to meet him before you ask. I did and it was worth it because he approved. This is a good opportunity to ask for advice on proposing and marriage, too. Halfpoint/Shutterstock. There are plenty of those, and if that is what you are dealing with, don’t bother. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission to marry … If they don't have a good relationship it could go a ways to improve it, and if there's a poor/no relationship and no desire for a good one then who cares. If you're asking the father first, that's sexist (it's up to her not him). I'm marrying her not her family. Outdated. It is with this in mind that I wish to ask her to be my bride. Do i need to ask her dad for permission or can i propose? Here’s some advice that a father gave to his son about marriage: 1. Being her father, I am convinced the gentlemanly course is to first attain your blessing of the union. Asking permission to marry is a time honored tradition, some in this thread jokingly mention times if the dowry but if you have been paying close attention to Telivision sitcoms which involve a love story there is most always a scene where the prospective husband shares a heart to heart moment with the soon-to-be wife's father whilst asking for permission. Had he said no, I still would have married her. Out of respect for you and your family, I am letting you know my desire to marry her and allowing you an opportunity to express any concerns you might have." In The Winslow Boy, by Terence Rattigan, John Watherstone asks his prospective father-in-law, Arthur Winslow, for permission to marry Catherine. Have You Asked The Father Of Your Girlfriend To Marry Her And He Said No? Her parents live about 400 miles away and I have been in the mindset that you ask the parents for permission. 6. Pamamanhikan is when the man and his parents visit the woman’s family and ask her parents’ blessing to marry their daughter. He appreciated the fact that I came to him to ask. The moment is a mountain to overcome in almost any relationship, but I believe it’s a mountain we, as Christians, can capture for the good of the daughter, the suitor, and the father. 100 Ways to Love Your Daughter. If he’s more traditional and rough around the edges, it’s probably best to pose it as a question. Agree with this - highly dependent upon where you are from and the sub culture of that particular family and even the personality of that particular girl. Talk about it. If you want to marry my daughter, you bloody well ought to be able to pay for her, was the thinking. Share your love story (and the ring!). No marriage proposal is complete without family and friends sharing their advice, hopes, and wishes for your future! Do you have to ask the father to marry his daughter? Try to meet him before you ask. Read How They Asked’s 7 tips on how to ask a father to marry his daughter. Some would find this cute/loving and others would find it debasing. If you google “Questions a father should ask the man who wants to marry his daughter,” you’ll find some. Debate- Is asking a father for permission to ask his daughter to marry him a thing of the past? Should you ask a father to marry his daughter? If your gf isn’t close with her parents, then don’t ask. When popping the question to her father, steer clear of praising his daughter’s physical attributes and stick to how smart, kind and loving she is. I was wondering how many still plan/have asked the father to marry the daughter before asking the girlfriend. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Do you have to ask father to marry daughter? You love your daughter–but that doesn’t mean you always know the most effective ways to show that love, ways that will connect with her heart, and stick with her no matter what life throws her way.. Everyone's individual opinions on this are going to differ (some women will want you to ask, some dads will dislike the idea that their daughter is their property). If that is a thing. Ask him what he would do differently if he could do it again. Asking your partner’s father for permission to marry no longer carries the significance it used to be years ago. She has a friend that's 18. I have a bit of a delimemma. ASK GURU 211,037 views. Look him strait in the eye. But if they’re close and you have a relationship with them, go for it!!! Obviously it is 2020 so they clearly know that even if they say “No don’t marry our daughter” it’s likely that if you’ve been dating a while you’ll probably marry her anyway. Marriage 18 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married Some of them aren't fun to think about, but they're crucial to know. I know him pretty well, as she and I have grown up together - we both turned 18 a couple weeks ago. 34 plus years ago hubby had to ask my Mom cause my Dad wasn’t home. Instead of asking permission, simply explain your wish to spend the rest of your life with his daughter. If your daughter and her intended are living together, you might quip that it is about time they decided to make it legal or how glad you are that they will finally tie the knot. Ask for his blessing to propose marriage. Go over the questions you think he might ask and have your answers prepared. how do I ask him for permission to marry his daughter? The father says no, and the boy calls him rude. CajunJoy65 November 7, 2017, 2:08pm #1. Is this just an old fashioned thing? I have bought a ring and I am ready to propose. She says she has found the man of her dreams, and is ready to take the plunge. Your future son-in-law could be arriving anytime to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage, and you need to be sure before you give your blessing. I mean, considering 1) my dad has been dead and 2) I'm a lesbian... r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. [Sorry if I am being presumptive, as you might live separately at present.] Do i need to ask my girlfriends dad for permission to marry his daughter? If you have problems with the suitor, keeping your mouth shut can give her a chance to see it for herself. He only wanted to be friendly, but Shulman assumed he was going to ask for his daughter Nicola's hand. Answers to these 12 big, important, overarching questions might hold the key to your daughter's future happiness. I know my dad was pretty butthurt that my now-husband didn't ask his permission, but I would've been really pissed if he did. Daddy is supposed to be the guy who stands up for you, protects you, and looks at you like he created a masterpiece. Tell him that you’ll always honor, respect, and cherish his daughter. I wouldn’t do that. And that would hurt my feelings. However, even if you two have been together for years and know each other is the one, asking a father permission to marry might feel as heavy a question as the one you pop on one knee. Explain why you want to marry their daughter. the father has no power over his daughter (assuming she’s of legal age) so it’s certainly outdated but it does show a fair amount of character to ask. If you want to know how emotionally stable a girl is, try asking about her dad. maybe then... but only when he's empty. I am caucastion and my american born chinese girlfriend and I live together and we are getting to the point that I want to ask her to marry me, and I know she will say yes. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission to marry their partner. Never occurred to me to even ask. In fact, the tradition dates back all the way to biblical times. I know how serious marriage is and I want to things the right way . Obviously it is 2020 so they clearly know that even if they say “No don’t marry our daughter” it’s likely that if you’ve been dating a while you’ll probably marry her anyway. But I think it depends what culture/country you come from. The two of us (myself and FIL) have always had a good relationship and he was happy I was with his daughter so there was little doubt he would say yes. Regardless of family dynamics, the implications of asking a father for his blessing to marry his daughter is just too off-putting for some. ... Fathers REALIZE Their DAUGHTERS Boyfriend Will … I’m here today because I would like to ask your daughter to marry me, and I would be honored to have your blessing.” Do You Only Ask the Father? I'm a single Dad with a 17 year old daughter. How Contact with Grown Children Affects Parents’ Mood. I know it is customary to ask the father first. Alex of Tennessee says, “It’s sexist. A wet-behind-the-ears bachelor would be expected to discuss his finances with his prospective father-in-law. If you aren't absolutely certain that she would like that, I would clarify it with her first. 7 Questions Parents Should Ask the Man Who Wants to Marry Their Daughter. Luckily, the father said yes. Also, as the parents of the bride, some/most of the expense of the wedding is (traditionally/culturally) expected to come out of their bank account, and that’s something that needs to be discussed before diving in to the whole post-proposal flurry of wedding planning thing. you did not ask his permission and then hers, you just asked his, and if he thought it was a good move he would give his daughter to you. Now it’s time to PROPOSE! It's traditional but no longer common except in cultures where the tradition is stronger than mainstream American society. When you marry your partner, whether you like it or not, sometimes you end up spending extended time with their family. If I were in a relationship that was serious enough that a proposal was a legitimate thought, my boyfriend would already have my dad’s approval, but I would definitely want him to ask my parents anyway, because I feel it’s a respectful acknowledgment of their feelings. Who doesn’t want to be daddy’s girl? Her family likes me so I’m not expecting any problems, just trying to be respectful. I didn't even ask my wife to marry me, I told her. 34 Answers. it should be no problem if the dad and the soon-to-be in-law have a good relationship. Casual Discussion. (No father around and Mom don't care) We have spent a lot of time together. Complimenting his daughter reflects favourably on how she was raised, which is a compliment for dad as well. Right now I want to ask her mother (she has no father) for her blessing to propose to her daughter. What is more important to you, her feelings or those of her parents? Jenny Bradley -August 18, 2015 Share on facebook. Or in the case of this post from Reddit’s AITA, future in-laws. In another day and age, you might have asked if he was financially able to support her, but today, it is likely that a couple will need two incomes. Ask for a blessing, permission kind of signifies ownership in a way. You have, in part, already done this by describing all the good qualities you see in their daughter. Apr 26, 2020 - Asking permission to marry? Your daughter’s boyfriend has asked you for her hand in marriage. (r/AskReddit) - … One of the Filipino traditions that is still practiced until this modern day is the “Pamamanhikan”, from the word “panik” which means to ascend or to climb a house’s flight of stairs. It can be respectful to the dad and his wishes and traditional attitudes while still being outdated and disrespectful to your soon-to-be fiancée. As fathers with daughters under your care, or as big brothers who feel a godly responsibility to protect a younger sister, we fend off both worldly wolves and polite, well-groomed goats. Whilst it’s not exactly a fork in the road, what you do during this time could dictate how smooth the future path is for everybody. I didn't. Marriage practically determines how fulfilling or difficult our lives are going to be. I just want to do this right, as it’s a once in a lifetime event. it comes from way back in the day when a girl was her fathers property. I’m pretty glad he talked to my Mom instead of my Dad. Not because of patriarchal ownership, but out of respect. Listen as Dr. Greg Smalley discusses this topic: Asking the Right … It is indeed traditional to ask a woman’s father if you can marry her, because traditionally, marriage was a property transfer – with you, the bride, as the property. Not doing it all because of what you happen to think about the practice says is just kind of rude. If you’re questioning how to ask a dad to marry his daughter, take a deep breath and follow these tips to ease the stress and make it a special moment you and your new father-in-law will treasure. The moment is a mountain to overcome in almost any relationship, but I believe it’s a mountain we, as Christians, can capture for the good of the daughter, the suitor, and the father. by Patricia. Cookies help us deliver our Services. If it’s possible, try to meet your girlfriend’s parents a few times before you decide you want to marry … The author Edward St Aubyn asked his then girlfriend's father, the theatre critic Milton Shulman, to lunch at White's. Your daughter means the world to me, and I hope to spend the rest of my life proving that to her. I'm going to propose on New years when the ball drops in time square. This involves more than a quick “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during halftime. Tell him you love and respect his daughter. If they’re conservative they’ll adore you for asking, if they’re progressive, they might tease you a little lightheartedly, but either way, it’s a sign you’re a good egg that wants to have an open line of communication with your in-laws. What questions should you ask him before giving your blessing? First question is are you asking for permission or a blessing? Consider other family members. These days, the notion of asking for permission is still very much alive and is one of the few wedding traditions to withstand the test of time. The old rule goes all the way to a time when marriage was up to the bride’s family, not so much the bride herself. Try to meet him before you ask. i say this because her family are strong catholics and i am christian .i also have gay parents . It's her decision, not her father's. You don’t want to get your girlfriend’s father’s blessing to marry his daughter, just to have his daughter turn you down when you propose. In this situation you need to ask him like a man. Proposals are getting more creative, and the same goes for asking her dad for his blessing. One of the oldest rules of Proposal Etiquette 101 is for the groom to ask the bride-to-be’s father for permission to get married. Posted May 24, 2017 And if she has brothers should I ask if there ok with it as well? Okay so I'm nervous as hell. I know it is common, but i know she will like it. Posted May 24, 2017 I've heard that you want to do it over drinks, but we don't drink. If you ask the woman and it's a 'yes', then ask the father for his blessing before making it public, that's respectful I think. Have You Asked The Father Of Your Girlfriend To Marry Her And He Said No? Xanthippe_Voorhees November 7, 2017, 2:15pm … If he’s easygoing, casually mention that you have a ring for his daughter and you’d love his support. Ah, in-laws. The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. You don’t want to get your girlfriend’s father’s blessing to marry his daughter, just to have his daughter turn you down when you propose. You go from boyfriend to fiancé, and from outsider to family-member. […] September 3rd, 2018 03:38 PM The decision to marry is really between your daughter and this man, although you likely feel that it’s your responsibility to protect your daughter. There is no short answer to this question. Calling and texting grown children, versus face-to-face interaction, may not be the emotionally best choice for parents. For some context, I’ve been dating my girlfriend since we were 14 and were now 23. Judson’s Letter to Mr. Hasseltine Asking for His Daughter’s Hand in Marriage It’s her step-dad but he’s always in the picture, although we’ve never been super close with him (nothing bad, just different types of people). The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. We don't live far from her parents, they just don't know me that well. What Loophole Did You Find And Exploit? How to Ask a Dad to Marry His Daughter. By gq.co m it evolved into asking his permission and then hers, and now finally is done as a mark of respect to the parents/father. When popping the question to her father, steer clear of praising his daughter’s physical attributes and stick to how smart, kind and loving she is. It's "Rude (The Dad's Side of the Story)." And for the most part, it is. Read this letter slowly and reflectively. Ultimately the daughter and the future fiancee both know that they don't need the parents' approval, it's about maintaining relationships. This, and presenting an engagement ring and having your father give you away on your wedding day. How do I ask a Filipino father to marry his daughter? I am going to ask her father permission to marry his daughter however I am scared of him saying no . Answer Save. Is there a difference? "Seeking permission to marry my princess, son what's wrong with your big head?" There are some really good questions out there to ask, and things to consider. If it’s possible, try to meet your girlfriend’s parents a few times before you decide you want to marry her. 5. I’d be disappointed if my bf didn’t speak to my parents before the the actual proposal with the ring and all, because that sends a signal in my culture that my bf isn’t interested in keeping in touch with the in-laws at all after the wedding. 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